"The Friends Zone"

There is a place in the time space continuum where those unfortunate souls who are doomed to always remain "just friends" dwell. I thought everyone knew of this place but it seems that most are completely oblivious it's existence... That being said I will be your guide on this expedition to the "Friends Zone". So a perfect example of someone being exiled to the friend zone is Timmy (The name has been changed to protect the innocent). Timmy really likes this girl and spends almost what seems to be every waking moment with her, but has been hit with the line "you're like my best friend" which will almost certainly will lead to the "I don't want to ruin our friendship" now me being the hater that I am pointed out that he is about to be jettisoned to "the zone" to which he looked at me all perplexed like I had ask him what "c" in E=mc2 stood for or something. (C = the speed of light by the way) anyway I proceeded to explain how he had a one way ticket to the friend zone and something quite comical happened - He asked me what to do to get out!!! Lol, Imagine me tryin' to explain getting out of the friend zone, talk about the blind leading the blind! That's like asking a monk for instructions on how to be a pimp...

More Fiyah!!

Just felt like just droppin some rhymes on the on the blog so holla atcha boy

I got madd styles, from freestyle to the back packin/
Mashin' niggas out, make' em contemplate not rappin/
These star trek boys, see me as fly like I'm kirk captain/
They wanna be the best, but then they see that it won't happen/

...So I take em under my wing, you could call me the feather man/
Rain down rhymes, you could call me the weatherman/
I RUN Deese MC's, Like I was tougher than leather man/
Then fly off with the green, like i was off in neverland/

For those who didn't get it I was talking bout petah pan/
I can spot a hater out, like he was a part of the cheatah fam/
Fresh cut from the barber, wavy fresh with a Caesar man/
I don't know why I get fresh, It ain't like they can see the man/

And I mean they can't see me though, even with glasses/
So it makes it hard on these rappers, that I have in my classes/
Cause all they have to go on is the sound of my voice/
So they have to listen to the lessons, cause they don't have a choice/

Channeling My Inner Doug Funny

So I was sitting around thinking about how I could entertain all 6 of my followers (Big ups to yall by the way) and I realized that this is a bonafied EDiary lol. Think about it, I'm like Doug Funny scribbling out my misadventures for all to read, except I don't have a dope ass dog named Pork Chop... Anyway thanks for checking out the Ediary...err... I mean EJournal...err... I mean Blog...

Craig And His List Part Deux

So there is an untapped source of entertainment that i discoverd long ago but just recently felt compelled to comment on and that is the Craigslist personal ads section. It is classic!!!! Take for instance the missed connections page... If something is in life is funnier than this, I've yet to witness it. You get these people who send out an ABP on "The guy ahead of me in line at target in the red shirt this morning" or "The girl who ordered toast and OJ at Starbucks last Saturday" and you have the subsequent story where the person explains why they wish they coulda talked to the person, but were overcome by the overwhelming hotness or beauty that was being displayed. It's like a scene outta "You've Got Mail" without the happily ever after of course. And if that's not enough check out the titles... "U work at blockbuster on Wadsworth" or "To Aaron from the Hyatt Hotel Altitude restaurant" if that doesn't make your heart throb I don't know what will lol. Maybe this is why I'm a lonely crotchety old man, but the day I have to make a plea to "The girl at Tokyo Joe's who hooked me up with a kids cookie for free" is the day I call it a night...

"Tip" Of The Iceberg

Alright I think I might be walking the thin line of douche baggery, but I have a couple issues involving "Tips". Now don't get me wrong wait staffs and most delivery people work damn hard and deserve to be tipped properly, but for crying out loud why is there tip jars at places like Subway, Pizza Hut, the Chinese restaurant, and other places that don't even deliver? I do the work of coming to you to pick up my food, what would I be tipping you for? Putting cheese on my sandwich? Hardly worth 20% in my book... While I'm on the subject of tips, whats with the delivery charge that places charge? Don't that know that they are putting me in a precarious position? How am I gonna pay you a delivery charge to deliver the food, then tip someone to deliver my food? Isn't that slightly redundant? I know the driver doesn't see any of that "Delivery Charge" which is why it puts me in such a bad spot... I don't wanna pay twice to have something delivered but I dont' want to stiff the guy... Just food for thought (pun intended)

Ian's Diction Dictionary

So I know alot of you often find yourself thinking "what the hell is Ian talking about" when certain words and phrases come out of my mouth... Well wonder no more as I am going to dedicate parts of future blog posts to Ianisms and random vocabulary I'm quite fond of.

Todays term is...
UUU or "Triple U" - Triple U is a term from the Jim Rome Show, used when something is Unfunny, Uninspired, and Unreadable. EX. Guys who wear extra smedium shirts to show off their muscles are so triple U.

This is too funny! Way to stick it to overachieving douche bags everywhere "Ditto Guy"

Pipeside @ Shaun White Gettin' A Dub

This what I did with my weekend... Namely watch a bad ass snowboard comp with tricks never seen before... Holla atcha boy

Big Trouble In Little China

So I was at the Imperial Dragon at Copper Mountain the other day and the craziest thing happened... It was like a scene straight outta a Dave Chappelle stand up. So I enter the premise at lunch time with every intention of taking advantage of the all you can eat buffet. I'm in line behind this family getting ready to pay and get my plate when I hear the "hostess" or "waitress" (do they have those at a chinese food place?) say to the family "enjoy buffet, it very good", then she gives them a plate and they go to the buffet. Now when I walk up I expect to hear something very similar, but she looks at me she says "ohh I know you eat lot fried chicken"... Couldn't believe it! I mean really!?! I mean how does an old Chinese lady hit me with a stereotype? Then of course I was unable to eat the fried chicken because I couldn't play into it, which caused me to miss out on what looked to be some delicious fried chicken... SMH

Ian TV

In this episode of Ian TV: Smugglin' Taco Bell into the bar smh

I'ma Poet, Don'tcha Know It?

Since I really didn't have much to rant about today I felt like open up my book of rhymes to throw a classic Ian gem out there lol

I write words, some of love, some of hate
Words of past, present, future, and words of fate

Words that help, words meant to erase the hurt
Words that charm, and words that are used to flirt

Words to calm, words that release my rage
Words that I type or words written down on a page

Words that I say, whether in poem, or rap
Words that are said, when I feel I can't hold back

Words that are known, only if I choose to speak
Words that I say, or write, with a certain technique

Words that chill, cold as an Alaskan breeze
Others feel warm, words like the tropical seas

Words how I feel, what’s going on inside
Words that amaze, baffle, and mystify

Words that are plentiful, coming in different amounts
Words that are infinite, so I will never run out.

Craig's Followers

So I’ve decided that I dunno what “Craig” had in mind when he started his “List”, but he couldn’t have foreseen what it has become. I mean is there anything creepier than a Craigslist transaction? I say this to you as a 6’2 black male who really doesn’t feel as if he’s gonna be kidnapped or anything, but think about it… You get these people who always want you to come by their creep pad or even worse want to come to your residence to “check out” all merchandise for sale. I don’t want those random ass people to know where I live! Infact I’m pretty sure that’s one of the ten crack commandments ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CRRGlVVZzkE ) “Number 5 …never sale no crack (or in this case craigslist goodies) where you rest at, I don’t care if they want an ounce tell em bounce!” I mean why can’t we meet at a public location or something? And while I’m on the subject of meeting people and comparing these transactions to drug deals… Why does it always have a drug deal vibe when you meet to sell or buy something from someone on craigslist… I mean it’s always in front of some remote location at night, with instructions to pull up to the black car on the corner, roll down the window and make the exchange. I might as well learn the secret handshake while I’m at it… And don’t get me started on all the crazy ass phone calls you get from unrealistic people expecting you to sell whatever it is you’re selling for 10% or what it’s worth… it’s like “I know in the ad I said I needed money, but quit asking me if I’ll take 45 cents and a piece of already been chewed gum for my 50 inch plasma.”… All that being said, If there’s a deal on craigslist I’ll investigate which makes me a proponent of the perpetuating cycle that is Craigslist

Song Of The Day

I decided to go old school today with a song that totally encompasses how I'm feeling so with out the further adieu I present to you the anthem of the day (take that, take that, take that)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cCcZw0CRnwg&feature=PlayList&p=4186726E2EDDEE35&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=63

Ode To The Popcorn Ball

Today is a sad day as Halloween is officially in the books. Now I’m sure most of yall think that I am mourning the passing of another night of costumed hi jinx, but in truth this is a eulogy of Popcorn balls. I was at Wal-Mart, early last month doing what one does at Wal-Mart (Namely trying to return stuff for store credit, you call it a scam, I call it enterprising), when I saw a display for Popcorn balls – a box of 12 for 3 bucks (you just can’t beat that). Now we all know that I’m quite the hard core hooligan, but I swear to you, I was as excited as a 5 year old on Christmas (I believed I might have even went as far is to let out a 2 step skip). Now at first I thought what a stroke of luck… I love popcorn balls and I have successfully located some… score! Upon further review, someone (who will remain nameless for killing my buzz) pointed out that they were “Halloween special edition” popcorn balls, because apparently people only eat popcorn balls during Halloween. I’d almost go as far as to say it’s an outrage that such a delicious snack is only available once a year, but what are ya gonna do? Sad day indeed. So long story short… although I’ve bought several boxes to stock up, the popcorn ball is now on a 12 month hiatus until next Halloween.

Fear The Beard!!!

It's getting to be that time of year, when the 5 o'clock shadow
that is the staple of my existence turns to a full on beard a la
Baron Davis, so "Beard Up"

Back In The Saddle

To all my faithful followers (All 4 of you) I have returned, with the resolve and dedication to make my blog the gigantic ball of awesomeness, that it was supposed to become upon it's initial conception. and what better time of year to get things started than now, with the release of Ian 2.4 right around the corner (Details on that later) anyway this is The official rebirth of Cool post... Deuces

Spittin' Hot Fiya!!!

Every now an then I like to just drop rhymes and I was hanging out with Tony when I had the urge to write down some rhymes on the back of a napkin... Woke up and found it in my pocket so I thought I would drop em on the blog

Believe me when I say, I'm a hassle to these rap dudes
And don't get it twisted, I'll out rap you if I have to
I lasso these assholes. I'm hotter than Tabasco
There's a new Chief in town, and his name ain't Matt Cassel

They could try to battle, but I wouldn't advise it
cause anytime I'm on the mic, you know I terrorize it
and that's pretty fitting, cause Halloween's round the corner
I'm not tryin' to scare ya, I just thought that I would warn ya

I'm the CO champ, but I was born in California
Catch me rappin’ on the corna, the truth like Sojourna
Battle if you wanna, but they'll have to call the coroner
then lyrically, we'll have a wake, your squad can come and mourn ya

I can see it now... here lies some rappers game
and what’s really bad is how nobody knows ya name
Have ya rhymes in a casket, I leave em in the worst way
let your style join 'em, have it chillin' where the hearse stay

Recap Of The Emerald City

Alright everyone I'm gonna sum up my my adventures in the emerald city without making this post a novel.
Things to know about Seattle
1. The sun will melt your ass with the quickness
2. There are teriyaki spots on every corner as well dope as fish markets
3. There is only 1 bowling alley, and no i didn't get to go to it... Sad times
4. I've decided that there are only 8's out there, no 3's 4's 9's or dimes, just 8's... Well done Seatlle

And on a random side note the phrase "I'll eat a bitch box no homo" was spawned by Drea

Lime + Rumplemintze= ? (The jury's still out)

So I'm sittin' in the airport tryin' o shake the "fear" (I.E. Drinkin' until the prospects of hopping on a plane are no longer frightful) anyway I'm sitting at the airport bar when I see none other than lime rumplemintze. Now I know most of y'all don't understand the significance of lime rumplemintze but just imagine the alcoholic beverage of choice had been infused with your favorite fruit!!!! Seeing it was like the scene out of the wizard of oz with a yellow brick road up to a green spire of rumplemintze... Epic right? Wrong!!! It was warm and quite UNrefreshing... Oh well at lest I was to liquored up to notice on the flight, so um mission accomplished!!!

Strength, Flexibility, Resiliency & Versatility

Provisions Of Friendship

By Ian Karl

This is a poem I wrote a long time ago, but it's always been one of my favorites especially now that I've really been leaning on my friends lately. I hope if you're reading it for the first time it moves ya, and if you've read it before you still feel the same way.

Cry me a river and you know I will try,
To drain the river and dry your eyes

Tell me a secret you need me to keep,
and you know I won't utter even a peep

And if you ever need a listener when speakin’ your mind,
You know I will be there anytime

When you're in a dark tunnel and you cannot see,
Call on me, and your light I'll be

Because a friend is there, through sadness and cheer,
To share in the good times, and help dry the tears

A friendship is valued more than gold,
It’s what keeps you warm when things seem so cold

A friendship is something very special to own,
That shall remain forever as if cast in stone

I say this because, that is what friends do,
and in times of despair, I know you'd be there for me too

Gettin' Some Things Off My Chest

Alright I'm dealin' with some shit yall... it's in the back of my head
And it's some shit yall... But I just rap it instead.
See I got wolverine bones in me,
but the whole world's throwin' stones at me,
Like they all gotta bone wit' me.

Got an ex-girl... and I really love her to death
But that's my ex-girl... so I guess her lovin' is dead.
It's wild how I love her... even when she ain't near
Even if were aren't together... I know she'll still be there.

Then there's some other people... I judged their character wrong
But they some other people... now let's get back to the song.
I’ve got another problem... that I ain't tendin' to
Because I got enough problems... And my solution is to stuff problems.

But if somethin' goes wrong with that...
Then it's back to the depression... and so long with rap
See I'm depressed lately...
but nobody understands... That I'm depressed lately...
I'm sorta feelin' repressed lately.
But y’all been hearin' and seein' me less lately
Like, has anyone noticed the regress lately?
Look deep y’all, don't I seem stressed lately?
Seemed disturbed, lotta regrets lately?

Got a crew in front-o-me... They my peoples
But they ain't in my company... when all I need is some company.
When I start feelin' like everybody's done wit' me
I'm try'na see what everybody want wit' me.

They say, "he wines too much, he's too bitter"
They call it, "complainin' ", I call it, "explainin' "
How normal people could get caught-up in the game and
Lose they mind, and people find it entertaining

Some shit wit' me... but people been knew that
But I now I’m cryin' a lot, and I ain't use to do that.
Then this unemployment barely payin' the bills,
It's mo' money, mo' problems... Or it's no money, mo' problems.

All enormous when you play at these stakes
To try to hold in the pain when you look in my face
'Cause they say... "he needs to be single at the moment"
But what "he" NEED is a single moment!

They say get out... But I don't wanna go to a club
Don't wanna go to a lounge, I just wanna lounge!
In the same sweats that I had on for days
Same tee I had on for a week... what I got on it speaks...

What I got on, it reeks... No shave I'm just, chillin',
'cause that's just how I'm feelin'.
One day at a time, it's God willin'
I'm try'na see straight, but the fog keeps buildin'.

Hoodie when it's hot, like it's freezin' Winter
Havin' trouble, eatin’ lunch and dinner
And it's hard try'na keep this in-ya;
So I write it all down,
So one day maybe when life is all sweet I'll remember.

Got some shit goin' on wit' my mind... and to be honest it's bad
So I'm sittin' here, reminiscing on what I had
It's not rap - it's real, look scrappy it's true
Asking what’s happenin’, do I look happy to you?!

Now, if it goes to the wire, got the soul of a fighter
Bruised-up and sloppy, or damaged like Ali.
Up-late talkin' to the friends on the website
That's the only thing that send yo' man off to bed right?

Fuck the World, as my life starts to swirl!
Well, maybe not world... just lemme' remain calm.

This too won't last, this too shall pass
At least that's what I say y'all, that's what I pray for
And I'm the only thing that's standin' in my way y'all
But I gotta be with me, it's no escape y'all...

I can't lie, I feel so sad, alone, and heart broken... I don't know if I'll be blogging for a while

Chaos Star!!!

Either Learn To Drive In The Snow Or Move

It's snowing today which brings me to one of my biggest pet peeves... People who can't drive in the snow... I know this has probably be commented on many a-time, but I hate 'em...Them and my last nerve are like this (fingers crossed to illustrate my point). I mean you live in Colorado for crying out loud... how long did you think you could go without running into a lil' bit snow lets be realilistic here... And I'm not talking about when there is 3 feet of snow outside or when there is black ice or really nasty blizzard conditions... I'm talking about when there is snow in the air and the ground gets a lil' moist, in fact some of these jabronies lose they're ability to drive when it gets cloudy with a chance of snow... and it's always the douce bag in the Hummer H3 thats driving 2 miles an hour like he doesn't know what to do... Isn't that why ya bought it? I mean it just drives me bonkers... if the guy in the Toyota Prius next to you thats 2 inches of the ground can drive normally so can you... Especially if you have the obnoxious monster truck tires and the fog halogens...GET TOGETHER... So I say new rule... actually it's more of an ultimatum... Learn how to drive when it snows... stay home... or move... that simple

Adventures In House Hunting

So me and my brother are looking to by a house... Now we aren't ballin' on tycoon status, so we only have $170,000 to spend... but my god this is such a process. We go to look at all these houses and it's just crazy to me how people present these houses... Now i ain't (notice the proper use of the word ain't as a contraction from am not) expecting these people showing to show their houses like MTV cribs, but some of these houses are ridiculous. I walked in the living room of this spot and one WHOLE wall in the living room had a gigantic jungle mural painted on it... I don't know how y'all feel, but I don't want Mufasa and Simba looking at me while I'm playin' madden. not cool... lions, zebras and wilderbeasts in a Serengeti back drop... This is Colorado not Africa... Er'time you walk in that house you're almost obligated to sing the circle of life... I shoulda took a picture... and I know you're thinking "couldn't you just repaint that wall?" Of course but then you go down stairs and walk into a time capsule... I'm talkin' wood paneling and shag carpet ev-er-ywhere, "ev-er-ywhere?" "yes ev-er-ywher!" I almost expected a disco ball to drop out of the ceiling or Henry Winkler to show up and give me the thumbs up... That was just a sample of the craziness i saw at peoples homes, and yes there were other things that simple paint and recarpeting could fix... like houses with uneven floors, there was a house with the the washer and dryer in the main bathroom... a basement that you couldn't get into because the flight of stairs was broken (Just ponder how that works). It was just crazy, not to mention all the places with lil' ass ceilings... My brother and I aren't the twin towers or anything, so why does it seem like at all these houses we looked at we have to duck to go into the door, or up and down the stairs in these places and if you are going to have a low ceiling, please don't be stupid enough to put a fuckin ceiling fan in... I thought i was gonna get knocked out if not decapitated... if you have low ceilings, too bad! I'm sorry you're just gonna have to miss out on the luxury of a ceiling fan - LIVE WITH IT... Then you got these people who are like "take your shoes off, to see the place" I'm thinking they musta got new carpet or something, right? Wrong!! got mangy mismatching carpet with misc stains... and I'm standing there all puzzled... like at least have the lil' plastic booties so i don't mess up my socks on this grungy as floor or something. I mean it was crazy... I'll definately have to keep y'all posted as the search continues later this week

The Beginning Of An Era

I have officially joined the blogging ranks... (I know everyone is breathing collective sigh of relief while simultaneously saying "what took you so long") In the coming weeks while i get this thing gathering steam I'm going to be playing with things until I settle on the end all be all of what this is monster is going to be... The first order of business is deciding on what the official tittle of this blog is going to be... So far we have

Unholy Cumulus "Pissin' On Ya Pic-Nic"


Organically Ian "No Preservatives, No Artificial Flavors... Just Ian"


I'm also in the process of thinking of others so if you got something fire it at me