"The Friends Zone"

There is a place in the time space continuum where those unfortunate souls who are doomed to always remain "just friends" dwell. I thought everyone knew of this place but it seems that most are completely oblivious it's existence... That being said I will be your guide on this expedition to the "Friends Zone". So a perfect example of someone being exiled to the friend zone is Timmy (The name has been changed to protect the innocent). Timmy really likes this girl and spends almost what seems to be every waking moment with her, but has been hit with the line "you're like my best friend" which will almost certainly will lead to the "I don't want to ruin our friendship" now me being the hater that I am pointed out that he is about to be jettisoned to "the zone" to which he looked at me all perplexed like I had ask him what "c" in E=mc2 stood for or something. (C = the speed of light by the way) anyway I proceeded to explain how he had a one way ticket to the friend zone and something quite comical happened - He asked me what to do to get out!!! Lol, Imagine me tryin' to explain getting out of the friend zone, talk about the blind leading the blind! That's like asking a monk for instructions on how to be a pimp...

More Fiyah!!

Just felt like just droppin some rhymes on the on the blog so holla atcha boy

I got madd styles, from freestyle to the back packin/
Mashin' niggas out, make' em contemplate not rappin/
These star trek boys, see me as fly like I'm kirk captain/
They wanna be the best, but then they see that it won't happen/

...So I take em under my wing, you could call me the feather man/
Rain down rhymes, you could call me the weatherman/
I RUN Deese MC's, Like I was tougher than leather man/
Then fly off with the green, like i was off in neverland/

For those who didn't get it I was talking bout petah pan/
I can spot a hater out, like he was a part of the cheatah fam/
Fresh cut from the barber, wavy fresh with a Caesar man/
I don't know why I get fresh, It ain't like they can see the man/

And I mean they can't see me though, even with glasses/
So it makes it hard on these rappers, that I have in my classes/
Cause all they have to go on is the sound of my voice/
So they have to listen to the lessons, cause they don't have a choice/

Channeling My Inner Doug Funny

So I was sitting around thinking about how I could entertain all 6 of my followers (Big ups to yall by the way) and I realized that this is a bonafied EDiary lol. Think about it, I'm like Doug Funny scribbling out my misadventures for all to read, except I don't have a dope ass dog named Pork Chop... Anyway thanks for checking out the Ediary...err... I mean EJournal...err... I mean Blog...

Craig And His List Part Deux

So there is an untapped source of entertainment that i discoverd long ago but just recently felt compelled to comment on and that is the Craigslist personal ads section. It is classic!!!! Take for instance the missed connections page... If something is in life is funnier than this, I've yet to witness it. You get these people who send out an ABP on "The guy ahead of me in line at target in the red shirt this morning" or "The girl who ordered toast and OJ at Starbucks last Saturday" and you have the subsequent story where the person explains why they wish they coulda talked to the person, but were overcome by the overwhelming hotness or beauty that was being displayed. It's like a scene outta "You've Got Mail" without the happily ever after of course. And if that's not enough check out the titles... "U work at blockbuster on Wadsworth" or "To Aaron from the Hyatt Hotel Altitude restaurant" if that doesn't make your heart throb I don't know what will lol. Maybe this is why I'm a lonely crotchety old man, but the day I have to make a plea to "The girl at Tokyo Joe's who hooked me up with a kids cookie for free" is the day I call it a night...

"Tip" Of The Iceberg

Alright I think I might be walking the thin line of douche baggery, but I have a couple issues involving "Tips". Now don't get me wrong wait staffs and most delivery people work damn hard and deserve to be tipped properly, but for crying out loud why is there tip jars at places like Subway, Pizza Hut, the Chinese restaurant, and other places that don't even deliver? I do the work of coming to you to pick up my food, what would I be tipping you for? Putting cheese on my sandwich? Hardly worth 20% in my book... While I'm on the subject of tips, whats with the delivery charge that places charge? Don't that know that they are putting me in a precarious position? How am I gonna pay you a delivery charge to deliver the food, then tip someone to deliver my food? Isn't that slightly redundant? I know the driver doesn't see any of that "Delivery Charge" which is why it puts me in such a bad spot... I don't wanna pay twice to have something delivered but I dont' want to stiff the guy... Just food for thought (pun intended)

Ian's Diction Dictionary

So I know alot of you often find yourself thinking "what the hell is Ian talking about" when certain words and phrases come out of my mouth... Well wonder no more as I am going to dedicate parts of future blog posts to Ianisms and random vocabulary I'm quite fond of.

Todays term is...
UUU or "Triple U" - Triple U is a term from the Jim Rome Show, used when something is Unfunny, Uninspired, and Unreadable. EX. Guys who wear extra smedium shirts to show off their muscles are so triple U.

This is too funny! Way to stick it to overachieving douche bags everywhere "Ditto Guy"

Pipeside @ Shaun White Gettin' A Dub

This what I did with my weekend... Namely watch a bad ass snowboard comp with tricks never seen before... Holla atcha boy

Big Trouble In Little China

So I was at the Imperial Dragon at Copper Mountain the other day and the craziest thing happened... It was like a scene straight outta a Dave Chappelle stand up. So I enter the premise at lunch time with every intention of taking advantage of the all you can eat buffet. I'm in line behind this family getting ready to pay and get my plate when I hear the "hostess" or "waitress" (do they have those at a chinese food place?) say to the family "enjoy buffet, it very good", then she gives them a plate and they go to the buffet. Now when I walk up I expect to hear something very similar, but she looks at me she says "ohh I know you eat lot fried chicken"... Couldn't believe it! I mean really!?! I mean how does an old Chinese lady hit me with a stereotype? Then of course I was unable to eat the fried chicken because I couldn't play into it, which caused me to miss out on what looked to be some delicious fried chicken... SMH